Bad intention always lead to bad decision.

Talking to a best friend of mine yesterday, mentioning how Julia mind set is leading her to the opposite direction, and how I am trying to keep reminding her and helping her to keep on the right track, from this: “on the final day, I’ll tell him and show him all the proves and evidences that I gather and unleash my emotion and bless him good luck with the other woman” kind of mind set.

Impulsive and emotion are always working hand in hand to blind our mind and keeping us from what we truly desire or deserved in life. If you’ve followed my last post here, you already know that Julia is currently suffering from the unconfirmed affair that her husband started with a lady she believed her husband get to know her from the internet. She was gloomed and feeling dejected when her husband ask her furiously: “who tells you that she is my girl friend?” without Julia even mentioning that he has a girl friend.

Most of the time when affair happen in marriage, the one being hurt will tend to looks for as many proves or evidences as they can, for them is to get in touch with the fact, but for real, this is only destructive instead of constructive for marriage. Further more, by guessing and tossing with every moves that your spouse did or going to do, it will only hurt you more and reflecting out your insecurity and depression, and forcing ton of pressure to your spouse that making him feeling jaded and wanted to leave even faster. Think of it, are you focusing on working the solution to save and build your marriage, or are you focusing on working on getting enough proves and evidences to bring them to the court?

We should always put our intention on the right track, especially when facing crisis, it will eventually leads us to somewhere, unconsciously. As we always said, we tend to see what we want to see, and our perception is influences by our mind set.

Taking an example on what color you’d like to have for your next car, before you make your decision, you will most likely come to your favorite color, then followed by the uniqueness, you might figure: hmmm … black is everywhere on the street, red is too hot and yellow maybe too bright, so you eventually decided to go for the green color. On the next few days before you really driving your new car, you noticed there are green color’s cars almost everywhere you go! So weird you think, but it’s just a good prove that your perception is being tricked and you just happen to see what you want to see.

Being said that it’s hard for Julia to trust her husband again as the preconceived of a possible affair, and the thinking of how, where, when and what her husband is doing with the other woman is always occupying her mind, she is constantly thinking that her husband is accompanying the other woman whenever he is out of her sight, despite the fact that her husband is only being closer to a female friend, or really having an affair, soon her suspicion becoming fact to her before her husband even started the affair.

It’s sad though many marriages ended with divorce in such circumstances while it might be a possible solution or a good turning point for both husband and wife to learn and grow closer from this crisis, if it’s given enough space and time for both party to gone through, and experience the whole process before one decided to call it off.