06/02/2006

Grief crawling into my broken heart, not until I open the door when we reached home … Seer yells in front of the door: ” daddy, daddy… we are home….” when the door opened, it’s dark and empty, he just run in to the house, lifts his head up and talks to the air: ” daddy, why didn’t you answer the door when I called you out there?” with his little finger pointing to the door. Oh! he is pretending that his father was there! What can I do now? I can only play the game with him together ….

Seer always call me ‘mommy, mommy daddy’ nowadays, yes, I’m now not only their mother, but their father too. I hope I can handle it well, although I knew, I can never replace the role of their father.

When I put him on his bed at night, he said to me: “mommy, I want to be a good boy, I want to have a happy family, I want a loving father”….

I told him: ” Yes, let’s be a happy family”, that’s all I can promise him at that point.

07/02/2006

I thought they already get used to it; I thought they already accepted the fact.

It was sometime in the early dawn, darkness everywhere, Seer woke up and came to me, he asked :”mummy, why are you stored up daddy’s mattress, where’s daddy going to sleep without the mattress?”

What can I say? ” daddy is not coming home tonight, he got a lot of works to finish, he’ll stay there, until he finished his job, he’ll then comes home to accompany us.” I told him guiltily.

15/02/2006

“Daddy bye-bye” Seer was playing his pretending game again this morning before I send him to kindergarten. I asked him: ” is daddy home? where is he?”

He answered :” there he is, he is sitting on the sofa there! bye daddy, see you tonight” with the smile on his little face.