My friend introduce me to a lady about my age, Julia, who is suffering with marriage problems. The intention of my friend was, I gone through the same path, and she witnessed me walking the whole process from devastating, miserable to the recovery, so she think I might be able to give her friend some comfort or even advises on how to handle certain incident happen between Julia and her husband.

I am no way a counselor or am good at solving problem, just to share some of my own experiences and give her some advises from the third person point of view.

Although some say ‘positive thinking doesn’t “fix” things’, but at some point in certain situation, it does change the atmosphere and pursue a better connection and building trust between two people, especially for couple who live together.

Julia told me she is constantly thinking that her husband is going to meet up with the woman whenever he tells her he needs to go out in the evening. She said she can’t stop the feeling of pain and fear in her heart everyday even though she is keeping my advise on not to show him any distrust since he is now choosing to stay at home more frequently then going out somewhere. Still, she asked me reluctantly, do you really think that if I’m not thinking it that way, or I will just lie and tell myself everything will be alright, and he will turn back to ours marriage?

People always make themselves stuck and living in the negative zone when such a problem occurs, but my friends, I told her directly: “Julia, I definitely can’t promise you your marriage is going to be alright even if you think positively every moment, but I can assure you your husband will sure run to the other woman if you are continuously showing distrust, doubt and suspicion on every movements that he did or going to do, your wish will be granted.”

I believe most of us had the experience of having same thought with friends or partner some time, when the other party tells you their thought or opinion, you were like, hey, I am just having the same thought! Yes, thought and emotion are contagious, the one who sit closer with you can certainly feels it or senses it.

It’s proved again when I drove my son to his kindergarten the other day, on the way while I stopped my car in front of the traffic light, my mind was rambling until the Harry Potter part, thinking of the house of Gryffindor (we were not touching on the topic for weeks, at all). Out of the blue, my son who was sitting on the back seat, asked me: “mom, what is Gryffindor’s means?” I was kind of shock and joy at the same time, we do connected at some point, mind or spiritually.

Julia’s husband will sure senses her instability and distrust, while he is trying to mend his marriage and gain back the trust by reducing his meet up with the other woman (if there is any) or staying at home rather than drinking with friends, if Julia can’t shows him any encouragement by trusting him, he will easily sliding back to the old habit.

I understand how difficult it is to stay positive and to trust again once you are being cheated by the one you trusted most, but bitterness and suspicion are not helpful here, the best medicine for the moment is to stay calm and re-examine her / their own flaws, and take the initiative to turn herself / themselves into a better person that her husband feels precious enough to not lose her.