I’m feeling guilt and upset by myself since last night.

What happen was both of my kids wanted to sleep with me at night, but because of them growing up so fast my bed can only fit in two of us, not three. Plus they’re always turning and kicking at night, I normally can’t have a good night sleep if I let them share my bed.

So I have them to decide who will be the one to sleep with me for last night (they fought for this continuously for few nights, since both of them did not want to compromise, I said no to both of them), finally Seer agreed to let his sister win for last night.

But I was not happy with the outcome, because Seer is always the one to compromise (in my opinion though) even though I lectured Dawn privately for many times. I gave Seer a big hug and praise him for what he did, and Dawn was all so happy with a big smile on her face.

I could just took the opportunity to show them to appreciate and thanks to one another, but instead, I choose to show my emotion to Dawn. She senses it immediately and told her brother to stay, and walk herself back to her room quickly.

It was then I went into her room thinking of giving her a hug and a good night kiss, only found out that she’s sobbing silently … still, I did not give her any comfort but started to scold her.

Then come to this morning, Seer woke up after I sent Dawn to catches her school bus, it was still dark and early in the morning, I’ll normally return to my bed for my second half of sleep for another one hour before I get up again to prepare Seer to his kindergarten.

I told him not to disturb me, but he keeps talking to me and waking me up, way until my normal wake up time, I was then became furious and throw my temper to him. He finished his breakfast silently and went to the kindergarten with long and sad face.

I felt guilty and ashamed on what I did to them, I ruined their day totally! I could just keep my emotion and take the opportunity to enjoy the rare moment with them, instead of hurting them unintentionally.

Do we parents ever set a good example on how to handle our own emotion, showing attitude of gratitude, being balanced and not fond to a particular child? Emotions create moods within us that can shift our perspective on any situation, it’s hard when we are in emotion, maybe something is bothering us, and we become impatient when facing any situation which is beyond our expectation. Learn to understand and express our emotions in a positive way will certainly help to change our behavior.

Let’s this be a good reminder to myself.