There was a news months ago setting a bad example and exposed the ugliness of an unsettled emotion ones divorced.

The known actor Alec Baldwin unleashed the fury of his anger and despair of his divorce at his 11-year old daughter, calling her a “thoughtless little pig,” and bashing her mother Kim Basinger with mean words.

We as a parent need to do our emotional housekeeping from time to time, as our emotion very likely to turned out like a roller coaster sometimes during the first two to three years of our divorce, and the innocent young children who suffered the lost as we did, with no or lack of ability to catch up and comfort their own emotion, easily being embroiled in the messy of our emotional outburst.

I have to admit I did the almost same thing by telling my kids if they’re not existed in my world, my life will be freer and easier. This does not only showing my immaturity and inadequate as a parent, also an indication of my unsettled emotion and the baggage that bringing forward from my past relationship. I was shocked when I heard them saying mommy says she wants to dump us, or even telling me they’re thinking of suicide!

It was such a stupidest thing that I’ve ever done to my kids. I can’t imagine my life without them and how fearful I am to lose them, but I blurted out those no minded sentences to hurt them so deeply. I was then realize how much damage and insecurity I have already forced to them, not to mention the sadness of having their father parted from their life.

It was lucky in the other hand, I have the awareness before it is too late. I told myself I want to be a happy fish instead of a mourning fish, and I understand how my emotional state will affect my children, I decided to keep learning and putting my effort to heal myself and walk out from the dark cloud, to become a mother that my children deserved.